Not gone yet
by Brave-little-duck
Summary: "He's not gone yet, because I feel that he lives inside of me." Warning, Character death. May be depressing! ONE-SHOT


**A/N: For my friend Katie... I'm so sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"Oh. My. Gosh. Would you just shut up already?" A thirteen year old James muttered.

James was sitting in his science class listening to his teacher give a lecture on genetics. He was bored out of his mind. He already knew how cells divided, so he found it to be a complete waste of his time to hear it yet again. About half way through the lecture the classroom phone rang. When the teacher went to go answer it James felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Do you think it's about Kendall?" Logan whispered. Logan and Carlos were both looking at James.

"I don't know, why do you ask?"

"Cause Kendall isn't here," Carlos answered. "He's always here."

"Maybe he's just sick."

"Not possible," Logan chimed in, "He never gets sick. And even when he does he still comes to school, no matter how bad. Do you remember what happened at hockey last year?"

Remember? James couldn't forget even if he tried.

The guys were in the middle of a really intense hockey game. They needed to win in order to get into the finals. The team they were playing against was playing really dirty and the referees weren't doing anything about it. The main thing was that Kendall was sick. No one knew of course. He never told anybody when was sick. It made him look weak, and he hated being weak. He was playing a game of hockey with the flu. He had to ask to sit down twice during the game so he could go to the bathroom to throw up. Halfway through the game one of the bigger guys on the other team checked Kendall hard into the boards. Instead of getting up he just laid there like a dead body, completely motionless.

The game was stopped and Kendall was taken to the emergency room. When he finally woke up he admitted to have been sick for a week. Everyone, especially Logan and his parents were mad that he didn't tell anyone. But they also were just glad that he was okay.

"Yeah, I remember," James told his friends quietly. "But I don't think that's it."

James turned back around just as the teacher hung up the phone. The expression on her face made it look like something terrible had happened.

"I have some news." She said to the class. "I know that most of you are friends with Kendall Knight. Well I just received word that his father has died. It was suspected to be sometime yesterday. I don't know how, but I do know it was very sudden and unexpected. If any of you wish to go talk with the counselor at this time you may. If not then we will continue with our notes for the day."

James' jaw dropped at the news he just heard. Mr. Knight was dead. James would never see him again. The man he called his second father was gone. Just like that. How could this happen?

James turned around to look at his friends. Carlos had tears that were threatening to make way down his face. Logan just sat there looking down, playing with his thumbs.

"Right after school, we go straight to Kendall's house, agreed?"

Both of the other boys nodded in reply. Kendall was going to need them, no matter how much he denied it.

* * *

As soon as the last school bell rang for the day, James, Carlos, and Logan ran straight to Kendall's house without even giving it a second thought. Kendall lived relatively close to school, so it didn't take very long. Once they got there the boys didn't even bother knocking, they just went right in. The Knight family had door open policy, no matter what the situation.

Logan was surprised at what he saw inside. On a normal day Mrs. Knight would in their kitchen making something sweet for when the boys came over, and Mr. Knight would be sitting in the living room watching a hockey game while Katie played her online poker next to him. But today was different.

Mrs. Knight was sitting on the couch, holding a sobbing Katie in her lap while silently crying herself. It was a sight no one wanted to see.

"Mrs. Knight?" Carlos said, his voice trembling in the process.

Both of the girls looked up to see the three boys standing there. Katie immediately hopped off her mother's lap and ran over to the boys. James bent down and picked up the sad little girl and tried to calm her down.

"Shh it's okay Katie. Please don't cry." James pleaded. He hated seeing the little girl so upset.

"N-no it's n-not. D-daddy's gone." She cried.

"I know, I know." He told her trying not to cry at how helpless she was.

"Is Kendall here?" Logan asked quietly.

Mrs. Knight nodded. "He's up on the roof. He's been up there all day."

"Okay, thank you. Let's go guys." He said walking towards the stair case.

James set Katie down and gave her a quick kiss on the head before following his friends up the stairs. They then went to Kendall's room and climbed out his bedroom window. The three boys crawled over to their friend whose legs were hanging over the side of the house.

"You'll fall if you're not careful." Carlos said strapping his helmet onto his head.

"I've been coming up here since I was five, I'm not going to fall Carlitos." Kendall said quietly. His face was wet with tears and his eyes red and puffy.

Carlos, James, and Logan each found a spot to sit down next to their blonde friend. They could see how badly he was hurting, even if he didn't come out and say it.

"Kendall we're so-." Logan tried but was cut off by his friend.

"Don't say you're sorry you had nothing to do with it. I swear the next person who says that or asks if I'm okay is getting decked in the face. That's the only thing I've heard all day other than mom and Katie's constant crying."

"Okay then," Carlos said. "We won't even ask you that. Instead we'll talk about other things. So what do you want to talk about?"

"That's just it," Kendall told his smallest friend. "There's nothing else to talk about. I can't think about anything else other than what happened. And its driving me nuts cause I-." Logan cut off his blonde friend before he could finish.

"Then tell us. Tell us what happened that way you can get it out and you won't be holding it in any longer."

"I can't." He said quietly, fixing his beanie.

Logan recognized the hat. It was a birthday present to Kendall from his Dad when they were ten. Out of all of his hats it was his favorite, it was special to him.

"Well why not? Give us one reason you can-."

"Because I don't know what happened, okay?" Kendall screamed. He put his head down and his shoulders started to shake. He got up and crawled over to the window and went back into his room.

When the other three went back into the house, they found their friend in a fetal position on the ground next to his bed. He was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

James got down on his knees and pulled his blonde into his arms for a hug. He knew he would never feel the same pain Kendall would feel about losing his dad. But James still knew how it felt to lose someone that close to you.

"He wasn't feeling w-well," Kendall muttered quietly. "He had been acting weird and I should've n-noticed. He went to b-bed early the day other and never woke up. He just… flat out d-died in his sleep."

"When will the reports come out saying what happened?" Logan asked rubbing his friends back.

"We don't know."

"But hey," Carlos said with a shaking voice. "At least it was in his sleep. He didn't he feel any pain or suffer for hours."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Kendall said leaning up against his bed. "I just can't believe he's gone you know?"

"I never thought anything like this would happen," James said. "None of us did. He was always like my second father, especially after…"

"After what James?"

"After my dad left."

* * *

"_No, stay Daddy! You don't have to listen to her! You can say no! Please stay!" An nine year old James begged, pulling on his father's arm. After years of fighting and yelling and someone sleeping on the couch constantly, it was final. Mr. Diamond was leaving his wife and only son._

"_I'm so sorry son." Mr. Diamond said kneeling down. He gave his son one last kiss on the forehead and walked out his front door for the last time._

_A crying little boy then turned to face his mother, more hurt than he'd ever been before in his life. _"_This is all of your fault! Why did you do that? Why did you make him leave?" He yelled at her._

"_I did what was best for us!"_

"_I hate you!" He screamed angrily._

_With that James ran out the front door and down the street to his best friend Kendall's house. He always knew what to do. He showed up and knocked and knocked on the door until someone answered. It was Mr. Knight._

_"Hi, James. How are you?__"_

_"Is Kendall here? I-I need to talk to him."_

_"Oh, well he's not here, is something wrong?" The older man asked seeing how shaken the younger boy was._

_"I-I need to talk Kendall right now, please I just n-need to talk to him." James said panting heavily, near having a panic attack._

_"Okay well just calm down," Mr. Knight said getting down on one knee. "I'm sure he'll-."_

_"NO! I can't calm down! I n-need to talk to Kendall right now! My D-dad is gone, my Mom made him leave and I don't think he's c-coming back. So I need-"_

_Mr. Knight cut the young boy off after hearing what had just come out of his mouth."Whoa, whoa James, take it easy. What do you mean he left?"_

_"He's gone! Mom told him pack his stuff and get out! They were fighting again and she told him not to come back. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't stay! Please Mr. Knight I need to talk to Kendall because he's the only one who would know what to and-."_

_James was unable to finish his rant because Mr. Knight had enveloped the young boy into a hug and pulled him down into his lap. James continued to cry for an hour while Mr. Knight consoled him as best as he could. He told James that sometimes bad things like this happen for a reason and things always turn out better in the end. James didn't know why, but he believed him._

* * *

"When you got home finally, your Dad just played it off like you had forgotten that I was coming over. Since that day I always considered him my second father." James said finishing his story for Kendall. "You honestly didn't know about that?"

Kendall shook his head. "No, he never told me. At the time I just figured I actually had forgotten."

"Truth be told, he was kind of a second father to all of us since we saw him so much." Logan spoke up.

"He's right," Carlos chimed in. "I just wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye. You know?"

"I wish I had told him I loved him. 'Cause I honestly can't remember the last time I did." Kendall whispered.

The whole room had gone silent now. No one said anything, they just sat and thought. They thought about the good and the bad. They all knew Mr. Knight was gone and accepted it. The boys just wished him leaving forever hadn't come so soon. All they wanted was one last goodbye.

* * *

Two days later the four boys sat in front of Kendall's father's closed casket. On Kendall left sat his weeping mother, his sister sitting on his lap, and to his right his three best friends. He was still wearing his beanie, having never taken it off in the first place. It was the only thing he had left of his father. Kendall couldn't help but stare at the casket that held his dead father. He always knew this day would come, he just didn't know when. He hated that it had come so unexpected and as well.

It wasn't fair, to anyone Kendall thought to himself. It wasn't fair that him and Katie had lost their father and his mom her Husband of fifteen years. It wasn't fair that no one had gotten a chance to say good bye. It especially wasn't fair to Kendall that he hadn't been able to say one last 'I love you' to his father. It just wasn't fair.

"I believe Kendall wanted to say a few words." The preacher said.

Kendall handed Katie to his mother, then stood and walked up to the podium. He sucked in a deep breath and then began to speak.

"As most of you know, I'm only thirteen. But never in a million years... did I think I'd be speaking at my father's funeral before I had the chance to graduate." Kendall said to the crowd, trying not to choke on his own words as they came out.

"He was a great man and an even better father and husband. He was the the wisest man I knew. As I grew up he always told me 'Even the most important things in life don't last forever'. At the time I was very confused, but now I understand. I don't know why this happened to him, or why he had to leave us, but I know that for whatever reason there may be, it was for the best. My dad may not be here in person, but he's not gone yet. 'Cause I feel in a lot of ways that he lives inside of me, forever a part of me." Kendall said, stopping to wipe his face of the tear that continued to fall.

"Now I guess there's only one thing left to say." He said turning to face the casket. "Dad... I love you."

* * *

**I have nothing to say about this. Please leave a review. Have a good day.**

**~B**


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